The Exercise of Forgiveness and Letter Writing

The forgiveness is a powerful soft skill that can lead to significant personal growth and improved relationships. This multi-part exercise helps people navigate the complex process of forgiving others as well as themselves.

The exercise is designed to be reflective and healing, with an emphasis on moving past feelings of hurt and revenge towards a state of empathy and release.

Define Forgiveness as a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgement, and indifferent behaviour toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her. Emphasise that forgiveness is a process and a choice, not a one-time act or a quick fix.

Make it clear that forgiving does not mean forgetting the harm done or condoning unjust actions, it does not require reconciliation or denying the gravity of the offence.

Begin with a brief discussion on what forgiveness means, its benefits, and common misconceptions as shown above. Reference thoughts from scholars like Enright and Worthington on the importance of forgiveness in healing and personal growth.

Encourage people to acknowledge their feelings of hurt, betrayal, or disappointment, understanding that these feelings are a normal part of the process as they go through this exercise.

Introduce the idea of ​​writing a letter, which can be an actual letter written to someone else or a journal entry addressed to oneself. People would work on their own as this is a personal exercise. We will then back together to share and discuss.

Write the Letter

• Reflect. To get started, ask people to reflect on a person or situation that has caused hurt or anger. Acknowledge that forgiveness is for their personal peace and not condoning the hurt caused.
• Acknowledgment of Feelings. Ask people to write down their feelings related to the event or person. Acknowledge that it is okay to feel hurt, angry, or disappointed.
• Imagining Revenge to Forgiveness. Reflect on the initial statement about needing revenge before forgiveness. Think about what actions or words from the other person would make you feel better. Then, imagine they have done exactly that. Notice how your feelings shift towards forgiveness.
• Writing the Letter:
  a) Directed at others: Start with, “I need to forgive [Name] and I forgive you for [Specific Action].” Describe how their actions affected you and how you are choosing to forgive them for your peace of mind.
  b) Directed at self: Begin with, “I forgive myself for [Action or Thought].” Acknowledge any guilt, shame, or regret, and write about accepting and forgiving yourself.
• Reflection. Ask each person to reflect on the process of writing their letters on their own. Allocate about 15 minutes for writing the letters.
• Sharing. Bring back everyone together If people are comfortable, ask them to share their experiences and insights with the group as a whole. Alternatively, you can also pair them up and get them to share with a partner. Get them to discuss how envisioning forgiveness impacted their feelings and how they might continue to practice forgiveness moving forward.

Discussion

Ask people to share their experiences and reflections if they feel comfortable doing so. Emphasise confidentiality and respect for everyone’s process. Consider discussing the following:

• Discuss the initial feelings of wanting revenge and how these feelings can evolve towards forgiveness. Highlight the transition from feeling the need for revenge to imagining the act of forgiveness.
• Facilitate a conversation about the challenges and benefits of forgiving others as well as the importance of self-forgiveness for personal healing and growth.
• Encourage people to think about how they can apply forgiveness in their daily lives, recognising that forgiveness is a process and may require time.